Do you know Johnny Depp?

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I haven’t written much lately because we moved house so I’ve been busy hanging out of the window with my mobile and listening to some of the most irritating holding music ever recorded as I strive to encourage Orange to provide some functioning telecommunications in exchange for the money they keep taking from my bank account. The decorating, fish pond rescue mission and fosse septique investigations have taken a while too.

Anyway, as well as little surprises such as leaking shower trays, ossified cat turds behind old doors and some serious plumbing issues (are you meant to hold taps in place with string?) the previous owners left us some amazing furniture.

They had the front room, or salon, turned into an art installation by a local sculptor who works in recycled metal. Denis Richerol’s work is impressive –check his website here http://www.nedhcreation.com/blundell.htm – but when you a have a fireplace and chimney combo that covers a whole wall, a massive corner cupboard, two sofas/canapés and a pair of coffee tables edged with motorbike chains all in the same purple room it gets a bit much. Yes, I did say purple and I meant all the walls and ceilings are purple.
The hard work, welding skills and thought that crafted the sofas, corner cupboard and coffee table are admirable but when you put all that slightly gothic metal furniture into a normal room sized space it starts to feel like you’re living on a Tim Burton film set. Spread across a few houses it would be great but we’ve only got one so at least some of it has to go.

Therefore, it is time for a plea for help. If you know anybody with a big house or furniture dealership who might be interested in acquiring some sculpture that doubles as furniture please send them a link. If you have lots of friends on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter who sometimes like something a bit different do get in touch. Oh, and if you do know Johnny Depp or Helena Bonham Carter tell them they can have the lot for a six figure sum!

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